Wednesday Jan 11, 2023

Cut the Should

“Words matter, my friends. And when we get more mindful about them, we change the way we feel,” explains Leslie Randolph, host and self-confidence coach for creating confident women and teens. Going into the new year, Leslie wants to remind everyone that words matter, especially the words you think or say to yourself. If you are always thinking, “I'm too busy,” for example, you will feel overwhelmed and be unlikely to tackle your to-do list. Whereas, if instead you say, “My life is so full,” it means essentially the same thing, but you will feel completely differently inside. People think on average 60,000 thoughts a day, so word choice really plays into shaping how we view ourselves and directly impacts the direction of our lives.

Your thoughts are a roadmap to becoming the person you want and living the life you want. By not thinking through the words you use, you’re likely to actually block yourself from achieving your goals. Instead, try to be mindful of when you use words like ‘should’ or say phrases like “I can’t” when what you really mean is “I don’t want to” or “I’ve never done that before.” These types of words and phrases feel very negative and do not take into account your own agency over your life. Instead of “I need to” think “I get to” or “I choose to,” because that feels much more empowering. These simple word switches will help put you into a growth mindset so that you can be in a position to love yourself more. When we have more self-love, that leaves more room to love others.

Practice mindfulness when it comes to the thoughts that you think and the way you speak to yourself and others daily. Your words directly impact how you feel which in turn impacts what actions you do or do not take. Words have the power to shape your life, and you want to make sure you are choosing words that honor the agency you have over yourself and your desired future. Tune into Why Didn’t They Tell Us for a conversation with host Leslie Randolph about why words like ‘should’ would be best left in 2022.

Quotes:

• “Why didn’t they tell us that words matter? Sticks and stones may break my bones? Puh-lease, it is the words that hurt. And it's not just words that other people say. If I just said we think 60,000 thoughts a day, that is really the soundtrack of our lives, the thoughts that we think. So if we can be mindful about the thoughts we think and the words that we use, that would save us from so much unnecessary suffering, and this feeling of shame, or guilt or other unnecessary negative emotions that come from the words we use.” (5:39-6:22 | Leslie)

• “Mindfulness and what we think, and then say out loud, is the greatest tool in our tool belt to live a life we love. Because it's not just how it makes you feel, depending on how you feel, will then determine what you do or don't do. And depending on what you do, or don't do, that creates the life you live.” (6:54-7:21 | Leslie)

• “Busy is this permission slip to not do.” (8:33-8:37 | Leslie)

• “The thought ‘I'm so busy’ usually makes you feel overwhelmed. When you feel overwhelmed, do you know what you do? Not much.” (9:09-9:24 | Leslie)

• “Focus on the fullness of your life rather than the burden of being busy and just see what happens. Notice, it's just words. It's just words that have two totally different meetings and have you showing up totally different in this life.” (12:42-12:56 | Leslie)

• “Check in with how it makes you feel when you say these things, saying I need to, it really takes away that power and agency of which you have so much of and you are reminded of it when you simply shift to I get to, I choose to.” (16:25-16:46 | Leslie)

• “When we are loving and taking care of ourselves and honoring ourselves, honestly, it just makes the world a better place, because we are taking care of our own needs. And we are examples for other people who can then take care of themselves. And I always say that ultimately, when we practice self love our capacity for loving others gets so much greater.” (18:02-18:25 | Leslie)

• “As we set new goals and we try to create new things in our lives, be very mindful of when you just lean into I can't because nine times out of 10 it's not true. What may be true is I've never done it before. I'm scared. I'm worried I might fail. But it doesn't mean I can't. If you believe you can't, then you won't achieve whatever it is that you want.” (18:55-19:25 | Leslie)

• “It actually creates an emotional deficit when you tell yourself what you should or should not be thinking, saying, feeling, and doing when you're actually doing the opposite.” (21:36-21:48 | Leslie)

• “If you are acting on the opposite side of that should, then you're fighting with reality. Shoulding forces you to focus on what you did or didn't do and telling yourself why it was the wrong choice.” (21:57-22:14 | Leslie)

• “Do you really want to be exercising more, scrolling less, whatever your ‘should’ is? Or do you simply think you should because some external voice told you so?” (24:48-25:02 | Leslie)

• “Beating yourself up with a word like ‘should’ is like beating yourself up with a butter knife. It doesn't hurt too much, but over time that pain is going to have an impact.” (27:05-27:22 | Leslie)

• “Words matter, my friends. And when we get more mindful about them, we change the way we feel.” (31:14-31:21 | Leslie)

Cut the Should

Comments (0)