Wednesday Nov 01, 2023

Dos & Don’ts of Raising Confident & Independent Adults

Are you unintentionally hindering your teenager's journey to independence? Dr. Leigh Weisz sheds light on a paradox: In our bid to protect our kids, are we actually robbing them of essential life skills? In this episode of Why Didn’t They Tell Us, Dr. Weisz joins the discussion to tell us what we can do as parents of teenagers to ensure they grow into confident and independent adults. So many of today’s parents, despite all of their good intentions, are trying to rescue their kids from feeling any kind of discomfort. From the embarrassment of forgetting to bring their homework to class to the complicated feelings of grief, parents are robbing their kids of the self-sufficiency, problem-solving skills, and emotional resilience required to be healthy and productive adults. Parents need to give their teens the space to fail, be sad, and struggle while learning new skills. This is easier said than done as it requires that parents must endure their own emotional discomfort in the process.

We live in a world where parents are more overloaded than ever with responsibilities and expectations. Simultaneously, especially for more affluent families, an increasing number of modern conveniences mean it’s faster and easier to never have a teenager have to do anything for themselves. Dr. Weisz explains what parents can do–and stop doing–to give kids more responsibilities and consequences, as well as opportunities to earn rewards for themselves.

For parents who are bombarded with too much–often conflicting–information about how to raise their kids, Dr. Weisz refreshingly recommends doing (a little) less rather than more. She shares her parenting “greatest hits,” explains why it’s a mistake to give your child a debit card and why getting admitted into the Ivy League means nothing if you can’t do your own laundry.

Quotes

“One characteristic I think is really important to have is grit. Angela Duckworth coined that term. It's really the ability to persevere through challenges, not to give up right away at the first moment of discomfort or challenge.” (7:38 | Dr. Weisz)
“It's about stepping back, not hovering or being a helicopter parent quite as much–again no one has bad intentions when they do this, and of course, we all do this sometimes–but trying to protect them less, and allow them to figure it out a little bit more.” (13:32 | Dr. Weisz)
“The idea that the parents would allow them to also experience some meanness and know that they can develop skills, whether it's asserting themselves, choosing the right people to hang out with, standing up for themselves, making a change in lunch tables, whatever those skills are. They can handle it, even though it is uncomfortable, and we wish it wasn't uncomfortable for them, but not trying to rescue them from experience.” (17:14 | Dr. Weisz)
“We've had clients in our practice come to us who were very academically superior, we'll call them. They got into Ivy League colleges and couldn't stay freshman year because they couldn't navigate the situations without their parents. So, it's not just academics, it's not just if they’re smart kids. Do they have these other skills that we're trying to prepare them for, and confidence that they can do it without their parents right there?” (25:38 | Dr. Weisz)
“Give yourself permission as a parent to sit back and relax a little bit more than we probably all do in your parenting style. Let them do more and you do less would be the overarching message…As much as you want to be able to fix everything and be there, sometimes just listening and being a support along this journey is the best thing you can do.” (35:23 | Dr. Weisz)

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Dos & Don’ts of Raising Confident & Independent Adults

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