Red Flags & The Relationship Spectrum with Jordyn Scorpio

"Communication is the core of everything.” Jordyn Scorpio is the Director of Community Education at SHALVA, the oldest independent Jewish domestic abuse agency in the United States. As part of her Seven Circles program, she helps to educate Jewish couples on abuse prevention, which starts with identifying the differences between healthy, unhealthy and abusive relationships, which exist on a spectrum. Healthy relationships include healthy conflict which provide opportunities for both individuals to learn and grow, while at the heart of abuse is a need to assert power and control over someone. This is why listening to your gut instinct–whether you are the one in the relationship, or a concerned loved one—is so important: if something seems weird, it’s weird, says Jordyn. 

 

Signs of abuse, however subtle, present themselves early and they can get buried under a lot of confusing messaging. It’s easy to be blinded by abusers’ high status or social charm, and it’s true that even abusive relationships can include a lot of love. Jordyn reveals personality traits that abusers commonly exhibit as well as red flags to look out for when anyone starts a new relationship. 

 

Parents can introduce prevention education to their teenagers, spotting yellow flags and opening up conversations about them. This includes questioning portrayals of love and romance in film as well as appointing a safe adult to confide in.

In a world filled with diverse relationship dynamics, understanding and recognizing the spectrum of characteristics from what is healthy to what is dangerous is so important. Jordyn's insights offer not only a guide to navigating our own relationships but how we can support others to create safe and nurturing connections.

 

Quotes

• “Conflict can be really healthy. If there's conflict happening, that means that you're both two independent people with independent lives, opinions and voices. And that breeds conflict sometimes. But that's a beautiful thing to have in a relationship.” (12:12 | Jordyn)
• “What's difficult about the topic of domestic abuse in general is it's hard for people to distinguish between healthy, unhealthy and abusive. It is on a spectrum. And if it was really easy to define, and very black and white, then it would be easy to say, ‘This isn't good, I'm getting out.’” (13:41 | Jordyn)
• “Trust your gut. If you feel like something was weird, something was weird. We're really trained as young women to not trust our guts and to be the nice person.” (18:15 | Jordyn) 
• “At the core of it, it is about power and control.  That is the definition. It's about somebody asserting power and control over somebody else. And they just find different tools to do it since the dawn of time.” (25:53 | Jordyn) 
• “The idea that hurt people hurt people is very relevant in an abusive relationship. All of these people doing this are not sociopaths. They likely saw abuse in their homes and that's how they saw love.” (29:53 | Jordyn)

SHALVA Resources and Support:

If you are in urgent need of support, SHALVA’s Help/Crisis Line is open 24/7, call 1-773-583-HOPE (4673)

Learn more about SHALVA: www.shalvacares.org 

Follow SHALVA on Facebook & Instagram @shalvachicago

Learn more about Seven Circles: www.sevencirclesjourney.org 

Follow Seven Circles on Facebook & Instagram @sevencircleschicago

 

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