Why Didn’t They Tell Us?

What Other People Think of You

We know we’re not supposed to care what people think of us. But as host Leslie Randolph explains on this solo episode of “Why Didn’t They Tell Us,” we are literally hard-wired to care what people think of us, to want to be liked and accepted, and to belong. At one time, when we all lived as members of tribes, the approval of others was literally a matter of life and death. To illustrate this, Leslie recalls her time spent living in South Africa and why the sight of a lone impala filled her with such dread. 
 
Caring about what others think isn’t such a bad thing. After all, it’s important to be mindful of other people’s feelings. The most important thing is to make sure our concern is mindful, and that we don’t please others and seek validation at the risk of our own self-confidence or sense of self. There is only one of each of us in the world, and it is our responsibility to the truest versions of ourselves. Leslie shares a story of shopping for a dress she loved but that her daughter hated, and what Leslie decided to do in response. 
 
So, let’s cut ourselves some slack. Caring what others think is a default setting, which won’t go away. But with Leslie’s help throughout today’s discussion, we can make a deliberate mental shift, and make sure our opinion of ourselves reigns supreme. Join the conversation to learn more about the upcoming Bully to Bestie Bootcamp, where you’ll learn more about self-confidence and positive self-talk. 
 
Quotes:
 
“Doubt, fear, and anxiety are all part of the package of being a perfectly imperfect human. The only difference between those successful and self-confident people among us is that we don’t let those emotions be the decision-makers in our lives. We don’t let those emotions and the voices creating them, the thoughts creating those feelings, have the microphone in our minds.” (1:28 | Leslie)
“We are biologically wired to care what other people think of us. It’s truly a primitive survival mechanism. Caring what other people think of you is part of that pack mentality that ensures your safety out there in the wild. I know we’re not in the wild, but some days it feels like that doesn’t it?” (9:48 | Leslie Randolph)
“You are the only you in this world. You are the only you that we’ve got. It is literally your responsibility to be you. And if you have to be anything else, or less than you to win someone’s approval of you, then my friend, that is too high a cost. Then that someone’s not for you.” (15:27 | Leslie Randolph) 
“Think about it: if you have to be something or someone else other than what you are for someone to like you, then they aren’t worth it. They’re literally not for you! That high opinion that you worked so hard to achieve is of someone that isn’t even you.” (15:56 | Leslie Randolph) 
Connect With Leslie:
Sign Up for the Bully to Bestie Bootcamp HERE
Confidence Coach for Girls
Help Your Teen Cultivate Confidence
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Facebook
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

Feel the Fear, Find the Confidence

In the last episode of Why Didn’t They Tell Us, Leslie offered us a series of steps to make doing hard things a little easier. Now, she invites us to play “doubt detective!” Whether it’s launching a new business or auditioning for the school play, fear is underlying the tasks we avoid and procrastinate about, one that we must identify. Get ready to dig deep–what you are afraid of is not always the first or most obvious answer. 
 
Once you pinpoint your fear, your goal is not to get rid of it. On the journey toward your dreams, fear is along for the ride. The point is to put it in the backseat and let courage, confidence and compassion be your GPS. There is an emotion far greater, more painful and longer-lasting than fear, after all. 
 
Leslie reveals what it is, as well as what we can do to give us a fresh perspective on our emotions. She also reveals the secret to being unstoppable and to living a limitless life. Get ready to jump in the driver’s seat and head out for your dreams with all of your emotions in tow. Those dreams are worth it and you are worthy of them. 
 
Quotes:
“The secret to self-confidence is not that you never feel doubt, that you never feel insecure, that you never feel afraid. It is that you do not let those emotions stop you from going after what it is you want.” (3:50 | Leslie) 
“If we break down hard things, they’re really only hard because there is a fear behind them. The fear of failure. The fear of success. The fear of rejection, embarrassment, the fear of heartbreak. Maybe the fear of hard work. Fill in your flavor of fear.” (2:20 | Leslie)
“For any obstacle there is a strategy to overcome it, and it all exists within you.” (6:05 | Leslie)
“Fear, it can come along for the ride, and it will come along for the ride. As long as you are a human being with breath in your body, fear is coming. But it doesn’t have to stop you unless you let it. Please, don’t let it. Your dreams deserve more. You deserve more.” (11:24 | Leslie) 
“Please hear me when I say this: Milk has a longer shelf life than most emotions. That’s one of my favorites–I say it with frequency. They don’t and they can’t last forever without your permission.” (12:22 | Leslie)
 
Connect With Leslie:
Help Your Teen Cultivate Confidence
Website
Instagram
Facebook
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

How to Do Hard Things

“There’s no poetic way to say it,” Leslie says on this solo episode of Why Didn’t They Tell Us? “Often, what you want to achieve is hard.” Since our brains are designed to seek pleasure and avoid pain, it’s no wonder that it’s difficult for most of us to face or achieve the things we find difficult. Luckily, Leslie is here to help, offering three specific ways to change our mindsets and attitudes toward the things that we avoid doing.
 
She shares examples from her own life when changing her internal messaging made overcoming a previously insurmountable obstacle much easier–even if it was only for a few hours at a time, at first. She shares how she has been able to meet her goal for the year, and the negative inner dialogues that have kept clients from achieving theirs. 
 
So, members of the “confidence crew,” please tune in to learn a better way to face the challenges in your life by working with your brain’s default settings instead of against them. Not only will you find yourself being more productive, you will have more fun in the process!
 
Quotes
“Try on what I teach today. See if it fits. It ain’t couture–it’s off the rack. So, if it doesn’t, adjust, my friend.” (4:50 | Leslie)
“Thank you, brain. I appreciate you keeping me safe and alive. But with this sole purpose, your brain, in its default setting, is hardwired to seek out pleasure and to avoid pain.” (7:50 | Leslie)
“Sometimes, we just need to get going.” (12:24 | Leslie)
“It’s human nature to avoid the hard. It is human nature to not even set the goal if we think it’s going to be hard.” (16:08 | Leslie) 
“A lot of times we can make the journey easier than we originally think if we are willing to consider what that could look like. That, maybe, the one and only way to achieve that goal is, in fact, not, the one and only way.” (17:05 | Leslie) 
Connect With Leslie:
Book a FREE Call with Leslie: https://calendly.com/lesliethelifecoach/45-minute-exploration-1
Six Steps to Help Your Teen Cultivate Confidence: https://www.confidencecoachforgirls.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the_coach_chronicles/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CoachChronicles/
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

Creating Balance

“So many women struggle to create balance. Is that you?” If your answer is “yes,” Leslie is here to help. There’s no such thing as finding balance–you must create it, and on this solo episode of Why Didn’t They Tell Us?, Leslie has provided some confidence cultivator thought starters, a series of questions and time audits to determine what your priorities are and how to best utilize your time and energy so that both your needs and your desires are met. 
 
It’s so important that you approach each question honestly and without judgment. Society’s “shoulds” have no place in this process. Whatever your priorities are–whether it’s your social life or creating more of a work-life balance–be honest and honor them.
 
Balance and calm go hand in hand. You can’t have one without the other. With Leslie’s help you are well on your way to creating more of both in your daily life. 
 
Quotes
“Chances are, if you’re going and going and giving and giving, there’s very little left for you when it’s all said and done. And let’s be honest, it never feels done, because it all starts over the next day.” (3:02 | Leslie)
“Balance is not something you seek; it is something you create. With intention. With commitment and consistency.” (6:34 | Leslie) 
“Don’t judge; just notice. Remember I said you can’t beat yourself up to more self-confidence. The same applies here. You cannot beat yourself up to create more balance. Notice with love and compassion, not judgment.” (11:14 | Leslie)
“Why didn't they tell us we can’t wait for balance and calm, we must create it.” (19:37 | Leslie)
“By letting go of the external ‘shoulds’ and paying attention to our internal priorities, our internal desires, by making the time for them and savoring it when we do, we will create the calm and balance we so desire. I hope you do. I know you can. I'm cheering you on for all of it.” (19:46 | Leslie) 
Connect With Leslie:
Six Steps to Help Your Teen Cultivate Confidence: https://www.confidencecoachforgirls.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the_coach_chronicles/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CoachChronicles/
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

Same You, New Possibility

“I’ve got the promise of new possibilities pumping through me!” announces Leslie as she kicks off the New Year with a new episode and a self-confidence cheat sheet for you to cultivate more confidence in the year ahead. While the concept of more self-confidence feels like a reach for some, Leslie explains that it is available to anyone who is willing to make one simple change. And that change is not what you might think as the messaging about goals and “New Year, New You” floods our feeds and collective conversations. 
 
All you have to do is to change the way you think about yourself. Not just happy thoughts, but deliberate thoughts that focus on your unique strengths and gifts only you can offer the world. 
 
Too often, we suffer from what Leslie has coined “as soon as” syndrome. We think that as soon as we get that job, that dream partner, that promotion, then we have permission to feel good about ourselves. But actually, it’s the opposite. The more we believe in ourselves, the more that version of ourselves shows up in the world, along with the self-worth that comes with it.
 
Setting goals is a good thing. But you don’t have to wait to achieve them to become the best version of yourself. That change lies in the power of your thoughts, and you can change your thinking at this very moment!
 
Quotes:
“As we start a new year, I want to offer you an approach that, when put into practice, allows you to create that potential and promise that perhaps you’re yearning for in the new year.” (3:25 | Leslie)
“We’re bombarded with messaging of ‘New Year! New You!’ Like there’s a version 2.0 of you that does everything right, (right in air quotes). And when you do everything right, then you’ll feel the confidence needed to create what you want in the year ahead. Then you will feel worthy.”  (4:16 | Leslie)
“All that needs to change is your mindset.” (5:02 | Leslie)
“The thoughts you think aren’t just the soundtrack in your mind. They are the compass of your life.”(6:10 | Leslie) 
“Believe you can do something and you will find the way. Believe in yourself and you won’t stop until it’s yours. Believe in yourself and you will forever have a friend on the journey to creating a life you love.” (6:19 | Leslie) 
Connect With Leslie:
Confidence Cultivator Cheat Sheet: https://wondrous-leader-9073.ck.page/13bd931567
Six Steps to Help Your Teen Cultivate Confidence: https://www.confidencecoachforgirls.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the_coach_chronicles/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CoachChronicles/
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

Goal Getting Made Simple: Part Deux

“Your feelings drive what you do–and don’t do–in this one and only life of yours,” says Leslie in this second installment of the Goal Setting Made Simple series. Today, we are talking about “emotional fuel,” or the feeling needed to make your dream, resolution or goal a reality. It’s a cyclical process: positive feelings make you more likely to do the work involved to achieve your goal, and completing that work gives your feelings of pride and achievement which then fuel you to do more work. Those positive emotions also make the journey to achieving the goal far more enjoyable. 
 
Today, Leslie shares her “greatest hit list” of top 5 feelings for goal getting. Any number of distractions, comforts and temptations threaten to sabotage our goals at any moment, and these five feelings will keep you motivated and prevent you from feeling overwhelmed as you make your goal a reality. 
 
Achieving your goals isn’t easy. In fact, only nine to 20 percent of people keep their New Year’s Resolutions. Leslie’s here to help you beat those odds as well as share with you what is kryptonite to success, what separates quitters from conquerors and the important distinction between confidence and self-confidence. 
 
Quotes
“Any goal is simply the result of taking action–likely a lot of action. Few goals are a one-and-done situation. They typically require consistency and repetition.” (2:54 | Leslie) 
“If you think, ‘I can’t do it,’ and you feel defeated, and your emotional fuel is ‘defeat,’ well then you’re not going to do it. Why would you? There’s no point. You can’t do it, you feel defeated. But if you think, ‘I can do it!’ ” and you feel motivated, you’re going to go do the thing. Motivation becomes your emotional fuel.”  (4:06 | Leslie) 
“That is premium emotional fuel, that is what we’re talking about today: what you need to feel to achieve what you desire.” ((7:09 | Leslie) 
“Be sure your ‘why’ is for you.” (12:38 | Leslie)
“It takes courage to even set a goal let alone go after a goal.” (15:28 | Leslie)
“Whatever your goal is, believe in your ability to make it a reality.” (19:40 | Leslie)
 
Connect With Leslie:
Book a Call with Leslie: https://calendly.com/lesliethelifecoach/self-confidence-consult
Six Steps to Help Your Teen Cultivate Confidence: https://www.confidencecoachforgirls.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the_coach_chronicles/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CoachChronicles/
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

Goal Setting Made Simple

“It’s the season of goal setting and goal getting!” As we move into a new year, Leslie’s gift to you is a series of actionable steps that will help you achieve your goals. The first step is starting. Too often people wait until everything is perfect before beginning whatever it is that they want to do. Of course, nothing is or ever will be perfect. Making mistakes and feeling silly are all part of the process, it’s also how you figure out solutions–and there is a solution to everything. You have to be willing to take perfectly imperfect action, feel the fear and do it anyway. 
 
When Leslie first launched this podcast–one year ago!--she had all the same fears and feelings. She learned how to turn down the volume on her bully brain and amplify the voice of her bestie brain, using techniques she shares here today. She’ll teach you how to build your self-confidence, and provide yourself with the fuel to keep going by taking stock of your achievements along the way.
 
Today’s episode marks the one-year anniversary of Why Didn’t They Tell Us. By joining today’s conversation and following Leslie’s advice, you’ll soon be on your own journey toward achieving your goals. 
 
Quotes
“When you want to go after a goal, chase a dream, create the life of your dreams, you have to start. It seems so simple, but I have to say it. You have to go, you have to take that first terrifying step. You can always change directions if you find yourself going in the wrong direction.” (5:29 | Leslie) 
“There is a solution to every problem and when you are going after a goal–spoiler alert—there will always be obstacles. It doesn't matter what your goal is, you're going to hit them.” (8:30 | Leslie)
“You have to be willing to be bad. You have to be willing to struggle. When you are starting anything new, you have to be willing to not be great out of the gate. I know that's not fun.” (11:44 | Leslie)
“That's all that failure is: a chance to learn.” (16:29 | Leslie) 
“When you're in the thick of it feeling terrible because of the way that you're talking to yourself and treating yourself, you think the only way out is to quit. It is not the only way. The only way to not feel terrible when going after a goal is to not say terrible things to you. And to not treat yourself terribly. How terrible would it be to quit on something that means so much to you? That would be terrible, right? Because then you have a whole other host of feelings of, ‘I walked away from something I love simply because I was being mean to me.’ (18:41 | Leslie)
Connect With Leslie:
Sign-up for Mindset, Meditation, & Metabolism: https://www.leasure-life.com/give-yourself-the-gift
Book a Call with Leslie: https://calendly.com/lesliethelifecoach/self-confidence-consult
Six Steps to Help Your Teen Cultivate Confidence: https://www.confidencecoachforgirls.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the_coach_chronicles/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CoachChronicles/
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

GLOWing with Gratitude

“It’s a holistic experience, not a fleeting moment. It’s a practice,” says Jill Rivkin. Ahead of her 40th birthday, Jill decided to participate in a challenge. For 40 days she wrote down everything she was grateful for, down to the way her son belly laughed while playing with his Legos, and shared it on social media. These popular posts evolved into the blog Grateful Girl, which eventually led to her co-founding Gratitude Generation, a nonprofit organization committed to inspiring gratitude in future generations through service and education. Though she’s a “glass half full” person by nature, Jill insists that we can all rewire our brains to adopt a gratitude mindset, even as life becomes more complicated and the world an increasingly scary place. 
 
When we act with gratitude, everyone wins. Jill discusses the ripple effect that Gratitude Generation has created throughout her community as well as the benefits gratitude provides to our physical health. For teens who are self-absorbed by nature, the practice cultivates an awareness of the world around them, and helps to build their self-confidence. 
 
It's a practice that anyone–no matter what they are going through or what lifestyle they lead—can begin incorporating into their daily habits. Join Jill and Leslie as they discuss their own teenagers’ experience with Gratitude Generation and the major difference between gratitude and happiness. 
Quotes
“I see the world for what it offers me, I see people for what they give me. My mom once told me it was a beautiful trait I have for loving everybody in my world for what they can give me and not judging them for what they can’t.” (6:46 | Jill)
“Sometimes we're not ready for gratitude. Sometimes things suck or sometimes things are stressful. Sometimes things are emotional, sad, all of it. Gratitude will help us dig out of every single one of those emotions. But when the time is right. (13:59 | Jill) 
“It's a holistic experience. It's not a fleeting moment. It's a practice.” (16:49 | Jill) 
“Leslie, you mentioned your ‘buzz.’ So at Gratitude Generation, we like to call it a glow. Because you know, we love a good acronym. So Gratitude Lights Our World.  Because we like to glow. And so you can be buzzed, you can be glowing, you can all have it. But you're absolutely right in that you feel something.” (24:00 | Jill) 
“The ripple effect, besides the feel good, the buzz, the glow, all that, is it is incredibly healthy. This is really truly scientifically proven to be good for you to give for yourself, to give of yourself to take care of yourself by doing things that make you feel good.” (29:04 | Jill) 
“Gratitude is not limited to people who have certain things or live certain lives. It's such an important part of every human's thinking that whether you have a lot or you have a little gratitude can be found.” (34:38 | Jill) 
 
Learn more about Gratitude Generation: https://www.gratitudegeneration.org/
Connect With Leslie:
Six Steps to Help Your Teen Cultivate Confidence: https://www.confidencecoachforgirls.com/
Book a Confidence Cultivator Call with Leslie: https://calendly.com/lesliethelifecoach/self-confidence-consult?month=2023-11
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the_coach_chronicles/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CoachChronicles/
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

The Power of Positivity

With so much going wrong in the world today, it’s no wonder we’re all so stressed, both mentally and physically. Worse, our coping mechanisms–endless scrolling, complaining to each other and compiling our fears, emotionally spiraling–do nothing to alleviate the problem. In fact, they only create more problems. On today’s episode, Leslie offers a better solution, one that’s free and accessible to all of us at this very moment– positive thinking. 
 
It should be said up front: this is not an escape from negative emotions. It is a deliberate practice which requires that you channel your emotional energy with intention. As Leslie always says, it’s a privilege to feel all emotions. This process is about shifting focus, empowering yourself with coping skills and reaping the benefits that follow like pain relief, resistance to illness and reduced risk from death and prolonged life. 
 
You deserve to feel happy and hopeful and, as a result, do good works for others in return. After all, positive energy is contagious.
 
Quotes
“If you are a human living on planet Earth right now, chances are positivity has been a challenge.” (1:56 | Leslie)
“I will say it again and again. It is our privilege as humans to feel and feel it all. We only know the goodness of life's best and most beautiful moments because we've experienced life's lows. We've experienced setbacks. We've experienced sadness. It is forever a balance, a yin and a yang.” (4:31 | Leslie)
“Findings out of John Hopkins, which kind of echo what Mayo Clinic found, show that people with a family history of heart disease, who also had a positive outlook, were 1/3 less likely to have a heart attack or other cardiovascular event within five to 25 years than those with a more negative outlook.” (8:24 | Leslie)
“Positivity can do that. It's infectious, it's magnetic. It's an energy people want to be around. And it's not one size fits all. Don't go and be me. My brand of positivity might not be the same as yours. Find yours. Tap into it with intention for you, first and foremost. But then there's beautiful byproducts of it, right? You might just lift someone else up. What a beautiful thing to do today in the world that we're living in.” (11:28 | Leslie) 
“This is not you know, flipping the switch and being like, I'm never gonna think a negative thought again. That's not the point here. But I want you to be mindful with that negativity.” (14:08 | Leslie)
Connect With Leslie:
Six Steps to Help Your Teen Cultivate Confidence: https://www.confidencecoachforgirls.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the_coach_chronicles/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CoachChronicles/
Book a FREE Confidence Cultivator Call: https://calendly.com/lesliethelifecoach/self-confidence-consult
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

Dos & Don’ts of Raising Confident & Independent Adults

Are you unintentionally hindering your teenager's journey to independence? Dr. Leigh Weisz sheds light on a paradox: In our bid to protect our kids, are we actually robbing them of essential life skills? In this episode of Why Didn’t They Tell Us, Dr. Weisz joins the discussion to tell us what we can do as parents of teenagers to ensure they grow into confident and independent adults. So many of today’s parents, despite all of their good intentions, are trying to rescue their kids from feeling any kind of discomfort. From the embarrassment of forgetting to bring their homework to class to the complicated feelings of grief, parents are robbing their kids of the self-sufficiency, problem-solving skills, and emotional resilience required to be healthy and productive adults. Parents need to give their teens the space to fail, be sad, and struggle while learning new skills. This is easier said than done as it requires that parents must endure their own emotional discomfort in the process. 
 
We live in a world where parents are more overloaded than ever with responsibilities and expectations. Simultaneously, especially for more affluent families, an increasing number of modern conveniences mean it’s faster and easier to never have a teenager have to do anything for themselves. Dr. Weisz explains what parents can do–and stop doing–to give kids more responsibilities and consequences, as well as opportunities to earn rewards for themselves. 
 
For parents who are bombarded with too much–often conflicting–information about how to raise their kids, Dr. Weisz refreshingly recommends doing (a little) less rather than more. She shares her parenting “greatest hits,” explains why it’s a mistake to give your child a debit card and why getting admitted into the Ivy League means nothing if you can’t do your own laundry.
 
Quotes
“One characteristic I think is really important to have is grit. Angela Duckworth coined that term. It's really the ability to persevere through challenges, not to give up right away at the first moment of discomfort or challenge.” (7:38 | Dr. Weisz)
“It's about stepping back, not hovering or being a helicopter parent quite as much–again no one has bad intentions when they do this, and of course, we all do this sometimes–but trying to protect them less, and allow them to figure it out a little bit more.” (13:32 | Dr. Weisz) 
“The idea that the parents would allow them to also experience some meanness and know that they can develop skills, whether it's asserting themselves, choosing the right people to hang out with, standing up for themselves, making a change in lunch tables, whatever those skills are. They can handle it, even though it is uncomfortable, and we wish it wasn't uncomfortable for them, but not trying to rescue them from experience.” (17:14 | Dr. Weisz)
“We've had clients in our practice come to us who were very academically superior, we'll call them. They got into Ivy League colleges and couldn't stay freshman year because they couldn't navigate the situations without their parents. So, it's not just academics, it's not just if they’re smart kids. Do they have these other skills that we're trying to prepare them for, and confidence that they can do it without their parents right there?” (25:38 | Dr. Weisz)
“Give yourself permission as a parent to sit back and relax a little bit more than we probably all do in your parenting style. Let them do more and you do less would be the overarching message…As much as you want to be able to fix everything and be there, sometimes just listening and being a support along this journey is the best thing you can do.” (35:23 | Dr. Weisz) 
Learn more about Coping Partners: https://copingpartners.com/
Connect With Leslie:
Six Steps to Help Your Teen Cultivate Confidence: https://www.confidencecoachforgirls.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the_coach_chronicles/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CoachChronicles/
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm